The Loving Kindness Meditation (again)

"What’s past is past, nothing can change that. But the future can be different if we choose to make it so. We have to cultivate a vision of a happier, more peaceful future and make the effort now to bring it about. This is no time for complacency, hope lies in the action we take."--The 14th Dalai Lama

"World peace can only be based on inner peace. If we ask what destroys our inner peace, it’s not weapons and external threats, but our own inner flaws like anger. This is one of the reasons why love and compassion are important, because they strengthen us. This is a source of hope."--The 14th Dalai Lama

Hello everybody!

So...I have not done a blogpost in a while, and I will not do one for another long stretch. I primarily stopped posting last fall because I was entering a Practice Period (a time of increased concentration and study). I will again be entering a Practice Period here at Green Gulch, starting tomorrow, and so again, I will not post for a couple of months. 

My blog, for the most part, served the function during my first 6 months at Green Gulch as a platform for me to process the insane amount of wisdom consistently being poured over me in this shower of increased awareness. It also served as a way for me to attempt to explain to my friends and family "on the outside" what it is that I am learning and experiencing here, which is a difficult task to do completely.

At this point, I again feel a need to try to process my reality through writing it out and broadcasting it. Also, just as earnestly, I feel that it would be good for people to have access to the wisdom provided to me through this place in order to help them figure out our contemporary world.

The country is obviously in pain, and as a result of that pain we have, as a nation, elected a cold sore of a person to run our nation. People without much optimism for the future given their position in our society, or their frustration over not having work, or their fear based in ignorance, put their hope in Trump to "Make America Great Again". 

However, even the people who voted for Trump are becoming disenchanted with their courier of the future, their prince of the working man, their herald for a return to prosperity. Increasingly, Trump (and his advisors) seems like an almost two-dimensional villain straight from a Disney movie. Nothing he is doing makes sense, and it is hurting a lot of people (not to mention other living beings and the planet itself). It has not even been a month of America under a Trump presidency, and the damage that has been done is enough to fill a lifetime--many lifetimes. 

But, I imagine all of you who read this are already well aware of how much suffering he has caused, and are all feeling rather fatigued by it already. It is, understandably, exhausting being consistently bombarded by blows all over the fragile body of our progressive idealism. So, I won't go into the details of what he's done, or is planning to do, as I'm sure most of you are already aware of what is going down.

Instead, I want to talk about the advice that has been given to me and the rest of my community leaders by our teachers as to how to deal with the insanity of our current reality (I wistfully think of the plentitude of alternate universes where Trump was not elected, and how in those universes, in the ones where there is also a Multiverse Theory, there are people saying "God, can you imagine if we lived in a universe where Trump was actually elected President of the United States?") 

I would also like to share some insights I had during the last Practice Period that I have found helpful in dealing with all of this, and how those insights cause me to alternatively shrink with paralyzing guilt or entirely and confidently embrace my life on this planet right now. I think that I'll start with those insights, as they are the lens though which I am investigating life right now, and thus an appropriate foundation for the rest of my thoughts.

Green Gulch Practice Period, Fall 2016

Our Practice Period group, with Reb Anderson (also called Tenshin Roshi) in the front and center.

As a reminder for those who aren't readily exposed to this lifestyle all of the time, a Practice Period at Green Gulch is a two month long period of intensive meditation and study. It involves more daily sitting (typically 5 times a day, instead of the usual 3), less work (only 3 hours a day instead of 6), and usually has a focus for the time, as designated by the flag teacher for the PP. The flag teacher for ours was none other than Reb Anderson himself, and the focus was the Oxherding Pictures.

The Oxherding Pictures are a series of 10 pictures, accompanied by poems, that allegorically tell the story of a practitioner working towards realization. In the photos and the poems the "oxherder" is the practitioner, while the "ox" is realization, or nirvana. Honestly I wasn't super into this whole thing, and didn't find it entirely compelling, so I'm not going to talk too much about it here.

Before PP started Reb pulled aside the group of residents continuing into PP and asked us to think about our intention for the Practice Period. At first I had a lot of resistance to being asked to come up with an intention--it led rather viscerally to flashbacks of my hippy grade school perpetually asking me to set goals for myself. However, after a couple of weeks into PP, it became clear to me that I actually did have an intention. This intention was something that I had been subconsciously mulling over for a while, but my mind was ready during PP to bring it to the forefront and to direct all of my energy and focus into this one idea: that I needed to practice loving unconditionally, without expectations.

Living at Green Gulch has really highlighted for me my natural capacity to love people, and to love them deeply--although this sounds like a very charming and pleasant trait (and I believe that oftentimes it is just that), it has also led me to a lot of suffering. I realized concretely during PP that the only reason I suffered from such a capacity to love was that I in turn 1) expected everybody that I loved to love me as much as I loved them, and 2) I expected that they would express that love in the same manner that I expressed it.

I realized that releasing that hold, that tight, tight grip on those expectations would liberate me. I realized that the most important thing I could possibly do with my intentions and time right now is to practice being a person who truly loved unconditionally. This was not easily done, and I experienced what I can only really describe as mental growing pains in working towards this, both within my space of formal meditation, and outside of it, in my interactions with people. However, throughout those two months I found myself looking around at the people surrounding me, and feeling a deep and warm happiness at their existence. Just that--feeling happy that they exist. With some of these people, I knew that they did not love me as I loved them, and yet I would look at them and marvel at their beautiful complexity just as ardently as if they did.

This work turned out to be rather fortuitous, as half-way through PP, Donald Trump was somehow elected the 45th President of the United States. Our (perhaps obviously) very liberal community was in shambles; like a lot of the nation, we went through all 5 of the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally (very begrudging) acceptance that this is our new reality. Slowly, as a community, we came to understand how we, as bodhisattvas, would approach this reality: with compassion, of course.

It is not easy to live through compassion. It is something that takes hard work, patience, and perseverance. The predominantly white, liberal, well-educated, upper-middle-class demographic of Green Gulch had to come to terms with the fact that we live in a very nice, well-insulated bubble of liberal ideals and lifestyles; that despite our vow to save all beings, we were very ignorant of the pain felt by most of the country.

It is easy to hate, especially if those whom you hate are hateful. It is easy to look at the people who voted for Trump and categorize them as "other", as all belonging to a group that is defined by the man they chose to be their leader. It is easy to be hateful of Trump himself, because he deliberately and intentionally, seemingly without insight, works towards causing harm.

I look at the rage I feel when I see him doing literally everything he's done as President so far, and I know that it is valid. He is harming the environment, women, people of color, immigrants, indigenous peoples, Muslims, the poor--basically everyone who is not a rich, white man. As a bodhisattva, and a person who works on feeling compassion and empathy, this all devastates me. And yet, I know I need to be aware of my privilege, and the place that my rage has within my context as a well-educated, well-loved, well-cared-for, white girl.

I cannot help my privilege and the world view that I have as a result of that privilege. Yet I feel like I need to be aware that it is easy for me, from my place in this cozy, safe, little valley to believe that we must live through compassion, and treat all of the people who are hateful with compassion; I am doing it from my security as a white, well-educated person.

In fact, this is something that I don't even agree with all of the time myself. Throughout PP we had the opportunity to have "teas" with Reb, where the whole PP group sat in a room with Reb for a couple of hours and asked him questions, about anything. At one point Reb was talking about how it is the role of a Bodhisattva to treat every injustice, every crime, every misdeed, with compassion and light-heartedness; I felt an immediate reaction to these words when I thought about them applied to sexual abuse or mass genocide. I didn't understand, nor did I agree, that such things should be taken light-heartedly. I brought this up to Reb in the tea, and found his answer disappointing. He did not seem like he was ready or capable to take up this issue from the viewpoint of a victim in such a situation. It took me a while to feel compassion for him in this regard, and to realize that just like I can't help how my psychology is a result of my privilege, neither can he, despite all of his meditation and study (and wisdom). Such things were outside of his realm of experience, and so he did not think to include them in his discussion.

Anyways, I think it is important to approach the mass injustices incurred by the Trump Administration with compassion, but not light-heartedness. It is important to not be reactive, as our President is, but to instead be responsive. Compassion, sympathy, and empathy are all built on a foundation of suffering. It is easier for people to feel compassion, sympathy, or empathy with someone suffering a plight similar to a plight they themselves have suffered. To know suffering at all inspires compassion when you see the suffering of others. I believe, although do not know, that Trump has not lived a life in which he has suffered; he has not lived a life where he has to see the consequences of his actions on others; he has not lived a life where he was held responsible, where he was made to understand that others are just as important as he is. So, just like myself, just like Reb, Trump is a product of his privilege, and his extremely cushioned privilege has resulted in him practically being psychologically incapable of feeling pain for others, including the confused pain of many of the people who voted for him.

The pain his supporters felt was real, is real. They feel overlooked. During the Industrial Revolution, the people of the midwest were worried about their jobs because their agrarian lifestyle was being made near impractical and unprofitable due to the success of the factories in the big cities on the coasts. This resulted in political turbulence and general unrest. Now, the people of the midwest are worried about their jobs because their industrial lifestyle is being made near impractical and unprofitable due to the success of the tech industries in the big cities on the coasts. These cities are making the money, and so making the culture, making the social progressions, and are all but forgetting their afraid brothers and sisters in the middle of the country. This is, of course, and over-simplification, but not entirely off point, I don't think.

To live in compassion is not to live complacently; it is to live in the radical acceptance that complete, deep, unconditional love for all beings is the way. It is to be conscientious and courteous and responsive, not reactive. It is to be radiant and surefooted in the face of the darkness of ignorance. It is to be a mirror and a light to those who hate because they suffer; it is to be an ally and a friend to those who are oppressed and made to suffer through the hatred of others. It is not to be idle, but to be persistently engaged with life, in all its forms. It is to be a personification of love, hope, and strength.

Metta

There is a practice within Mahayana Buddhism called "Metta", which is just exactly practicing living through the Loving Kindness Meditation (posted below). Metta involves this process, more or less: while you're meditating, or reading through the meditation below, imagine pouring the love described in the meditation to someone you love. Imagine a partner, a parent, a sibling, or a close friend while you're reading. It will feel rather good and uplifting, I'm sure. Then, read through it again thinking of a friendly or neutral acquaintance--a work colleague, your favorite cashier, the bus driver you routinely get on your morning commute, what have you. It will still feel pretty good, and you'll think that you're a pretty neat person to feel so lovingly for a stranger. Last, read it thinking about someone you do not like at all--your boyfriend's sexist and racist uncle, that woman who shouted at you at work, our President. See what comes up for you--and think about why those feelings and thoughts are coming up. I feel like maybe it will be harder on this last one than on the other two--why is it harder? Why can you not wish such things for that person?

Metta is a way to literally exercise your capacity for compassion, fully and deeply. If you do not think that such a thing in necessary, well you might be right. However, I feel it is important. Whenever I look at those I see as heroes, they are living in love despite every reason they have not to. They are people who are oppressed, who are starved of everything good, and yet they persevere in the most radical way they can--to continue embracing those pains, to push through them, to grow strong and brilliant in their resistance through love.

One of my most favorite quotes comes from Mr. Rogers. It is something I continue to find inspiration in. It is this:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

Right now almost everything in the news is scary. It is our job to be the helpers.

I feel inspired when I look at the people of our country today. They are loud and active. They are showing love radically. I am moved that people march and protest; I am moved that people protect Muslims praying in airports and that the National Park Service is unofficially leading the resistance. The people of America are more radiant than ever. I heard people remark a few times while participating in the Women's March that Trump has already done something no other President has done: unite the country. Black, White, Hispanic, Asian, Native, Poor, Wealthy, Liberal, Conservative, Men, Women, Straight, LGBQT: All are united in our fear for what this man can do to our country, to our lives, to the people, places, and communities that we love.

Going into another Practice Period at such a time, it is hard to not feel like I'm running away. We are not supposed to leave the valley during these next two months, nor be on the internet, or really actively engage in the world at large to any real extent. I will not be able to share information, remain as informed, or join in on marches or protests. Yet I feel that to live this lifestyle is a form of protest itself (while still inwardly cringing at the privilege that allows me to have that viewpoint, but so it goes.) To be quiet and contemplative, soft and aware, and deeply, intimately connected to the place and people around me, it is a radical way to live. It encourages within me grace and commitment and calm, all things which I hope I can in turn give to this aching world.

As Wendy Johnson said during our most recent public Dharma Talk on Sunday, the waters right now are very muddy. But it is good! Because beauty grows from muddy waters; it is from the darkest and dirtiest conditions that lotuses bloom forth.

And so I want to share with you the Loving Kindness Meditation, my favorite chant that we do here. It is full of beautiful, simple ideas on how to be the best person you can be, in my opinion. Without politics, without economics, without social constructs, this is a call to live lovingly in your most basic personhood. It is how you can live your life with grace, humility, and love. It is how you can be a helper.

The Loving Kindness Meditation:

This is what should be accomplished by the one who is wise,
Who seeks the good, and has obtained peace.

Let one be strenuous, upright, and sincere,
Without pride, easily contented, and joyous.
Let one not be submerged by the things of the world.
Let one not take upon oneself the burden of riches.
Let one's senses be controlled.
Let one be wise but not puffed up and
Let one not desire great possessions even for one's family.
Let one do nothing that is mean or that the wise would reprove.

May all beings be happy.
May they be joyous and live in safety,
All living beings, whether weak or strong,
In high or middle or low realms of existence.
Small or great, visible or invisible,
Near or far, born or to be born,
May all beings be happy.

Let no one deceive another nor despise any being in any state.
Let none by anger or hatred wish harm to another.
Even as a mother at the risk of her life
Watches over and protects her only child,
So with a boundless mind should one cherish all living things.
Suffusing love over the entire world,
Above, below, and all around, without limit,
So let one cultivate an infinite good will toward the whole world.

Standing or walking, sitting or lying down,
During all one's waking hours,
Let one practice the way with gratitude.

Not holding to fixed views,
Endowed with insight,
Freed from sense appetites,
One who achieves the way
Will be freed from the duality of birth and death.