Harmony of Difference and Equality

"I respectfully urge you who study the mystery,
do not pass your days and nights in vain."
--Harmony of Difference and Equality

Flower of the Week:

Teddy Bear Sunflower. These guys are huge, dense, long-lasting, and perfectly named.

Buddhist Teaching of the Week:

Harmony of Difference and Equality

Some lovely plums growing by the yurts.

This is another chant that we perform at the end of service frequently. It is another one that I like; I especially like certain portions of it, such as the quote at the head of this post. I find that notion beautiful, especially recently. I also have an affinity for "In the light there is darkness, but don't take it as darkness; In the dark there is light, but don't see it as light." A simple reminder of the non-duality and impermanence of existence, especially if understood in relation to some of our more consistent mind-states. However, I feel like there is a lot of wisdom throughout this, and I find inspiration in it most every time we chant it, which is definitely not true of most of the chants we perform.

As such:

The mind of the great sage of India

Some artichokes blooming.

is intimately transmitted from west to east. 

While human faculties are sharp or dull, 

the way has no northern or southern ancestors. 

The spiritual source shines clear in the light; 

the branching streams flow on in the dark. 

Grasping at things is surely delusion; 

according with sameness is still not enlightenment. 

All the objects of the senses 

interact and yet do not. 

Interacting brings involvement. 

Otherwise, each keeps its place. 

Sights vary in quality and form, 

sounds differ as pleasing or harsh. 

Refined and common speech come together in the dark, 

clear and murky phrases are distinguished in the light. 

Our out-of-control abundant bed of Cosmos

The four elements return to their natures 

just as a child turns to its mother; 

Fire heats, wind moves, 

water wets, earth is solid. 

Eye and sights, ear and sounds, 

nose and smells, tongue and tastes; 

Thus with each and every thing, 

depending on these roots, the leaves spread forth. 

Trunk and branches share the essence; 

revered and common, each has its speech. 

In the light there is darkness, 

but don’t take it as darkness; 

In the dark there is light, 

but don’t see it as light. 

Some pretty peach roses in the garden

Light and dark oppose one another 

like the front and back foot in walking. 

Each of the myriad things has its merit, 

expressed according to function and place. 

Phenomena exist; box and lid fit. 

principle responds; arrow points meet. 

Hearing the words, understand the meaning; 

don’t set up standards of your own. 

If you don’t understand the way right before you, 

how will you know the path as you walk? 

Progress is not a matter of far or near, 

but if you are confused, mountains and rivers block your way. 

I respectfully urge you who study the mystery, 

do not pass your days and nights in vain. 

Life at the Center:

I have been struggling recently with what it means to practice with San Francisco Zen Center--of what it looks like to actually work towards the end of suffering within my practice through this institution.

One of the young bucks who live up by the yurts and
who keeps us awake at night sparring with the other bucks

I have been struggling with my privilege and all that I have been provided in my life, while so many people have less than me and suffer a whole lot more.

I have been struggling with how to express these struggles eloquently and succinctly.

There have been a lot of conversations around here lately in regards to the fact that the vast, vast majority of practitioners in the three temples of SFZC are white and come from privileged backgrounds. Of course, there has also been a lot of attention to this fact due to the increased awareness of the consistent and rampant systemic racism in the U.S., as has been tragically seen in the recent shootings of unarmed and non-violent black men by police officers.

Personally, I have also been struggling with the fact that many times a day, every day, we talk about how we all aim to end the suffering of all beings, yet do nothing tangible, nothing immediate, to actually work on ending that suffering.

Lavender, past it's prime at this point (but still lovely!)

I have had a few conversations with people about SFZC's apparent idling when it comes to actually, practically, working to help those who suffer. Most everybody brings up the point (including myself, a lot of the time,) that SFZC is contributing to the cessation of suffering by teaching all of the people who filter through here how to better live compassionately, thoughtfully, and mindfully. As I have said several time in past posts, I really do believe that, in the long run, the most helpful thing anybody can do to end the suffering of the world is to live with love and acceptance of those immediately around you; it is the easiest and most accessible way to encourage peace. However, it is also not always the most direct way. That is the "long game" approach (my friend Nick would always claim he was playing the "long game" when making seemingly insensible moves in board games, and he almost always won every game he played...so through that I can understand that playing the "long game" is harder, takes more concentration and imagination, but is ultimately always the most fruitful...board games are the same as life, right?)

So, it is important to always keep in mind the end goal, and the "long game" approach needed to achieve that end goal (i.e. an end to systemic racism, homophobia, Islamophobia, misogyny, etc.) Such things cannot be fixed immediately; they are too complicated and too ingrained in our collective, societal psyche. Such things definitely need to be addressed on a legal and political scale, but can also be worked on through the grassroots level, of just encouraging everybody to love each other and support each other and accept each other...the best way to end bigotry is to smother the bigots with compassion until they fill with love instead of hate (at least my optimistic, idealist mind hopes so.) But, in the meanwhile, there are people who are suffering egregious hurt at the hands of such large-scale injustices as systemic oppression right now, immediately.

Surely the aim of a Bodhisattva is not to only help cease suffering for all beings through teaching them that their suffering is empty? Surely the aim of a Bodhisattva isn't to work towards the cessation of the suffering of the world by loving slowly and surely? Surely a Bodhisattva should also look around them, see the pain, and seek to help those hurting around them in whatever way they can?

I have looked around here, and noticed so many people here easily getting "overwhelmed" (myself included), especially when we leave the peaceful isolation of our little monastic gulch. People here (again, myself included) get overwhelmed by the stimulation of being in a grocery store, let alone in the midst of a busy city. Here, in our quiet, lovely valley, full of like-minded individuals, it is easy to practice compassion and acceptance; of course I can be accepting and compassionate towards someone who largely shares all of my views...the minute we leave our little bubble, and are confronted with a different reality than what we experience every day here in the Gulch, we feel uncomfortable. Even within our little bubble, I have seen people lose patience, be reactive, lash-out, get in arguments, and get overwhelmed.

A shrine in the garden.
I don't know who it is.

If we practice to be compassionate, accepting, and mindful, but get overwhelmed by a grocery store, or a small (really, really, inconsequential) grievance within the community, how can we say that our practice is preparing us to better confront and accept the great suffering of the world?

How can I, who has lived a very, very sheltered life, feel any right or certainty that I could be of any help somewhere that is effused with real, deep, unbelievable suffering? I have a certain belief (although no knowledge, because again, I have led a very sheltered life) that if I were to go somewhere like say, an inner-city ghetto, or a Syrian refugee camp, or some other such place, I would not even know how to process what it was that I was seeing or experiencing, let alone how to actually understand, fully and rightly, the suffering of such a place. How can a white girl who grew up a half-hour from Aspen really know the suffering of a young black man from inner-city Detroit? Or of a Syrian refugee? Or of any person who has actually been tangibly impacted by war, disease, hunger, or oppression? How could I claim that I would know, somehow, how to help them, because I studied Zen Buddhism in Marin County for 8-months that one time?

I have a wish, although I don't know how it would be fulfilled, for me to learn how to practice amidst actual situations that would benefit from that practice, in a real, practical way.

I have yet to have dokusan (a practice discussion with a current or past abbott/abbess) with Reb Anderson. I feel this is largely due to the fact that I am entirely intimidated by his presence. He has so much flipping presence and it is formidable. But, I really want to know what he thinks about all of this--I want to know what he thinks about the consistent demographic of Green Gulch (and most of SFZC) being privileged white people; I want to know about what work he's done, in whatever form, to actually end the suffering of beings; I want him to somehow give insight into why I feel so guilty for my fortunate life all of the time; I want him to address the Buddhist understanding that suffering is the result of a desire for things to be different than what they are, and that the ultimate goal is to end suffering---but shouldn't I maybe suffer through my desire for our society to be different (less racist, less sexist, etc.) so that I can then somehow (somehow!) work towards the larger suffering of the world?

This is relevant to my own life as well--I have been so aware while I've been here how fortunate I am, and I am continuously grateful for that. But, I really feel, deeply, that I need to take advantage of my fortune, of my sheltered upbringing, of my access to good education, of my time right now to practice, by using it to help others.

I do not know much about the legal system, or the economic system, or the political system. I know a lot about religion, philosophy, and science. Those are the things I'm passionate about. Those are the things that I have the deepest understanding of. So what do I do with that passion and understanding? I don't know right now, but whatever I do, I know it can't be for selfish purposes.

The upper beds look lovely now :) In full bloom!
(Well, almost...still waiting on those dahlias...)

I have, for a long time, had the desire to work in academia--to get a PhD in biological anthropology, work in museums, maybe universities, and just work quietly at advancing our knowledge of how we came to be a species. I love the feeling of being in academia; it feels cozy and comforting to me, while still being engaging and fulfilling...but what would advancing the academic understanding of how we came to evolve consciousness or religiosity or any other such abstract notion as a species help end the suffering of the world? Ultimately, it could be argued that it is important to understand those things--but only a very small, selected (similarly privileged) group of people would have access to the insights that would be provided by such research (honestly, if it could be funded in the first place...our country puts very little funding into science that isn't a part of the pharmaceutical industry...and even less still to biological anthropologists.)

I am consistently plagued by this short (although very accurate, and funny) clip from Archer:

Oftentimes the only tangible thing that comes from studying and teaching anthropology is more anthropologists.

There are, of course, anthropologists who make a real effort to end the suffering of the world. But these are more often than not cultural anthropologists, who can bring awareness to certain plights of the people they study, or medical anthropologists, such as Paul Farmer, who founded Doctors Without Borders.

I guess there are biological anthropologists who do too; Jane Goodall is a good example. One of my personal heroes, Frans de Waal is another--he does research on how we evolved empathy, and how empathy can be seen in other species. But, his research is really only accessible and understood by those who have the base-level privilege to know of him, have access to his books, be well-educated enough to know what he's talking about, and have the leisure to think about such grand ideas because they don't have to deal with the immediate dangers of gang violence, starvation, war, etc.

Anyways, it's something I'm thinking about, and will probably continue to think about for a while.

I guess I'm not really coming up with any plans here to help SFZC reach out and tangibly help those who are suffering. And really, SFZC really doesn't have any money, and all of us are already pretty busy sitting in dark rooms silently for most of the day.

The young bucks caught conspiring.

Otherwise, life here, immediately, is as lovely as ever.

There have been a lot of Humpback and Grey Whales hanging out right off shore along the coast, which everybody has been loving. I have yet to go out and see them, because I'm too busy worrying about things that aren't a part of my present moment.

Also, I've been drawing people pictures of their favorite animals, which takes up a lot of my time.

Bumblebee on the lavender! They love it.

I'll make it out there to see the whales hopefully tomorrow (although, of course, they won't be there then, I'm sure...maybe I'm not sure, I don't know what I'm talking about).

The abundance of plums right now is straight up ridiculous. Plums for dayyyyyyysssss. There are more plums than we know what to do with or can handle. Which, again, there are worse problems.

On Monday some of the farmers and gardeners were treated to a summer pruning class given by Skip, one of the people who designed GGF's garden in the early-80s. A lot of our apples are being plagued by coddling moth larva; Skip suggested we remove all of the apples that show signs of the larva so that they don't reach their pupation stage (to then become more moths.) We spent a considerable amount of time removing infected apples from the trees this past week. A lot of our apples were already affected :( But hopefully we won't have to deal with them too much more in the future.

On Wednesday we had a Green Gulch residents meeting, where our director Sara and our tanto Anna taught us about SFZC's new official conflict and complaint resolution guidelines. We all took a quiz to see what style of conflict resolution we have, and I was relieved to discover that my primary method, according to the quiz, is collaboration, although confrontation was a close second. Those were both the "assertive" styles of conflict resolution--there was also avoidance and accommodation (non-assertive styles) and compromise, which was somewhere in-between all of them on the spectrum. That night we had a Dharma event in which we practiced "looping," which is when somebody tells a story and you actively listen to an extent that you can not only relay back to them what their story was, but also what they seemed to be feeling during the telling of the story, and any under-the-surface, implicit insights they seemed to have while telling the story (that's what the "looping" is). We broke up into triads and took turns, one person storytelling, one person listening, the third just witnessing. The stories we told were of a time that we experienced conflict, and how we dealt with it then. It was interesting, and I think overall "looping" seems to be a very fruitful exercise.

On Thursday I got to take a group of 5 and 6-year olds around the garden, and teach them about flowers and bees. I love talking about bees, and especially teaching kids about bees; it's important for them to learn that they're friends.

Plums growing by the yurts, so we can
snack on them pretty much whenever we
want. Life could be worse.

Thursday night a group of us watched Straight Outta Compton, which I had never seen before, and which is partially responsible for spurring my internal fire of contempt for, you know, racists and bigoted police officers, and systemic violence, and all of that. I've been thinking about it a lot. But also, man is there a rampant objectification of women in that movie.

Yesterday (Saturday) we had another all-day sit, of which I was able to participate in this time. A lot of feelings arise and don't arise around all-day sits; there's a part of me that sort of resents it, because I spend an entire day (13 hours) sitting in a dark room staring at a blank wall. It's a weird way to spend a day.

However, during both my first all-day sit, and this most recent one, I feel rather "meh" throughout the whole day; it's not good or bad, not easy or hard, not stimulating or boring, not insightful, nothing special (which is maybe the point, despite all appearances sometimes, I think Zen wants to be nothing special inherently.) But...after the all-day sits there is always a surge of thoughts arising from the depths of my mind, a surge of awareness and thoughts.

Sometimes I get tired of thinking all of the time. Why do we have to think so much? Why do I have to think about why I have to think so much so much?

A rabbit caught red-handed munching on some snapdragons.

Sometimes I find myself getting mildly frustrated at new people for doing the forms wrong. Then I remember that I used to do the forms wrong, and I had hoped then that people who knew the form would be compassionate towards me. Then I get the form wrong, even now, and I hope people excuse it. Also, why do I even care? I'm not (religiously) Buddhist. Do I actually think that the large statue of Manjushri, the Bodhisattva of Wisdom, that watches over us in the zendo would be offended by someone bowing to him incorrectly? That any of the dead ancestors care that you chant their names incorrectly?

The answer to those questions is: no, I don't. I best check why I attach myself to fixed views for no reason.

As of this morning we're going to have entirely silent breakfasts (the first 10-15 minutes of every meal are silent anyways.) I think this will be nice, although I'll miss my early morning socializing. Or maybe I won't. I guess I can't know such things now, before they happen.

Looking down at the girls' yurt and our view of the farm
(It is usually a foggy view)

Songs of the Week:

I love these two songs (maybe I don't need to always preface the songs I feature on my blog with an assertion that I love them? Perhaps that is self-evident.) Anyways, I find them to be stirring, powerful, poignant, and full of stories (despite the fact that they're both solely instrumental.) They move me to feel fully and actively, to be engaged, to be inspired. I hope that you feel some semblance of such wonder when you listen for yourself:

Ludovico Einaudi--"Divenire"

Ludovico Einaudi--"Primavera"