Dai Hi Shin Darani

We call it a grain of sand,
but it calls itself neither grain nor sand.
It does just fine without a name,
whether general, particular,
permanent, passing,
incorrect, or apt.

Our glance, our touch mean nothing to it.
It doesn't feel itself seen and touched.
And that it fell on the windowsill
is only our experience, not its.
For it, it is no different from falling on anything else
with no assurance that it has finished falling
or that it is falling still.

The window has a wonderful view of a lake,
but the view doesn't view itself.
It exists in this world
colorless, shapeless,
soundless, odorless, and painless.

The lake's floor exists floorlessly,
and its shore exists shorelessly.
Its water feels itself neither wet nor dry
and its waves to themselves are neither singular nor plural.
They splash deaf to their own noise
on pebbles neither large nor small.

And all this beneath a sky by nature skyless
in which the sun sets without setting at all
and hides without hiding behind an unminding cloud.
The wind ruffles it, its only reason being
that it blows.

A second passes.
A second second.
A third.
But they're three seconds only for us.

Time has passed like a courier with urgent news.
But that's just our simile.
The character is invented, his haste is make-believe,
his news inhuman.
--Wislawa Szymborska, "View with a Grain of Sand"

Flower of the Week:

It's got to be dahlias. They're coming on up with a fervor, and are just SO GOSH DARN LOVELY

Buddhist Lesson of the Week:

Dai Hi Shin Darani

This is the last of the chants that we do during service that I'm going to write about for a while; I'll shift back to other explorations of Buddhism. We chant this one during most evening services, and it's usually the only chant we do. I am just now beginning to have it memorized, but even still I am still fuzzy in spots, and definitely awkwardly tripping up the people next to me who are chanting, trying to be in synch with me. I'm sorry for that, if they read this. I just really want to nail it and feel super cool during service because I can recite this long Japanese chant. I had no idea what it meant until I looked it up for this post, so that's exciting. I'll post the Japanese version first, the one we actually chant, and then I'll post its English translation after.

Japanese

Namu kara tan no tora ya ya namu ori ya boryo ki chi shifu ra ya fuji sato bo ya moko sato bo ya mo ko kya runi kya ya en sa hara ha ei shu tan no ton sha namu shiki ri toi mo ori ya boryo ki chi shifu ra rin to bo na mu no ra kin ji ki ri mo ko ho do sha mi sa bo o to jo shu ben o shu in sa bo sa to no mo bo gya mo ha te cho to ji to en o bo ryo ki ru gya chi kya rya chi i kiri mo ko fuji sa to sa bo sa bo mo ra mo ra mo ki mo ki ri to in ku ryo ku ryo ke mo to ryo to ryo ho ja ya chi mo ko ho ja ya chi to ra to ra chiri ni shifu ra ya sha ro sha ro mo mo ha mo ra ho chi ri yuki yuki shi no shi no ora san fura sha ri ha za ha za fura sha ya ku ryo ku ryo mo ra ku ryo ku ryo ki ri sha ro sha ro shi ri shi ri su ryo su ryo fuji ya fuji ya fudo ya fudo ya mi chiri ya nora kin ji chiri shuni no hoya mono somo ko shido ya somo ko moko shido ya somo ko shido yu ki shifu ra ya somo ko nora kin ji somo ko mo ra no ra somo ko shira su omo gya ya somo ko sobo moko shido ya somo ko shaki ra oshi do ya somo ko hodo mogya shido ya somo ko nora kin ji ha gyara ya somo ko mo hori shin gyara ya somo ko namu kara tan no tora ya ya namu ori ya boryo ki chi shifu ra ya somo ko shite do modo ra hodo ya so mo ko

English

Adoration to the Triple Treasure!
Adoration to Avalokitesvara the Bodhisattva-
Mahasattva who is the great compassionate one!
Om, to the one who performs a leap beyond all fears!
Having adored him, may I enter into the heart of
The blue-necked one known as the noble adorable
Avalokitesvara!
It means the completing of all meaning, it is pure,
It is that which makes all beings victorious
And cleanses the path of existence.
Thus: Om, the seer, the world-transcending one!
O Hari the Mahabodhisattva! All, All!
Defilement, defilement! The earth, the earth!
It is the heart. Do, do the work! Hold fast, hold fast!
O great victor! Hold on, hold on! I hold on.
To Indra the creator!
Move, move, my defilement-free seal!
Come, come! Hear, hear! A joy springs up in me!
Speak, Speak! Directing!
Hulu, hulu, mala, hulu, hulu, hile!
Sara, sara! siri, siri! suru, suru!
Be awakened, be awakened!
Have awakened, have awakened
O merciful one, blue-necked one!
Of daring ones, to the joyous, hail!
To the successful one, hail!
The the great successful one, hail!
To the one who has attained mastery in the
Discipline, hail!
To the blue-necked one, hail!
To the boar-faced one, hail!
To the one with a lion's head and face, hail!
To the one who holds a weapon in his hand, hail!
To the one who holds a wheel in his hand, hail!
To the one who holds a lotus in his hand, hail!
To the blue-necked far-causing one, hail!
To the beneficent one referred to in this Dharani
Beginning with "Namah," hail!
Adoration to the Triple Treasure!
Adoration to Avalokitesvara!
Hail!
May these (prayers) be successful!
To this magical formula hail!

**I have no idea if this is a correct translation, it's honestly just something I found on the internet. I also have no idea what all of the "blue-necked" stuff is about.

Japanese Snow Bell in the middle of the Herb Circle

Life at the Center:

So I essentially skipped doing a post for last week, for which I apologize. I was away in Sebastopol for most of the weekend, at our friend Ryan's grandparents' house and orchard. Ryan is a farm apprentice here, and he asked a few of the other farming guys (i.e. Steven, Max, Dominic, and Nick) up to the house and orchard for the weekend to help him do some work up there, and somehow Jo and I got into the whole thing as well. Anyways, it was lovely. We got to escape the Gulch and one of the first things we did was go to a Trader Joe's, which of course I found to be entirely overwhelming--I really don't like being in grocery stores anymore, and I think that a large part of that has to do with the fact that I spent so much of my time and energy working for a Whole Foods as a cashier in college. Whole Foods is fine, and I made so many lovely friends there (who I like to call my "Whole Friends"), but it was still spending a lot of my time working for a corporation, spending my time serving people that I cared little to nothing about....anyways, there are a lot of pros and cons about that time in my life, and I shouldn't worry about it anymore, but the result I think is me having a rather visceral reaction to being in grocery stores where I just want to get out of there as quickly as I can. It also might have something to do with the fact that I have basically no money and so can't really do much while I'm in there anyways.

Morrell sneaking into the garden, sneaky kitty butt

Anyways, it was great to leave Green Gulch and immediately be met with a true August. It's so cold and foggy here all day, everyday, and as soon as I leave I'm reminded of the fact that I live in California and it is, in fact, currently summer. I actually thoroughly enjoyed the drive to Sebastopol in and of itself, because I was riding shotgun in Nick's sweet Vanagon, and he incidentally put on Alt-J as the music for our drive, which of course, is my favorite band. I exclaimed "Oh! I love this song" one too many times for my fellow passengers I think.

Ryan's grandparents' house was very lovely, as were Ryan's parents, who hosted us amicably. I also really liked their dog, Leilo (I'm not sure how they spell it). Ryan's younger brother is getting married in the orchard later this year, and so we were doing work to tidy-up the property in preparation for the event. Most of the crew cut down a whole lot of volunteer trees growing around the long driveway. I worked with Max to aesthetically prune one of the trees on the top of the property; I've only just begun to learn how to do pruning, but I enjoy it quite a lot--it's like sculpting using negative space and biology. I don't know if I did a good job or not, the tree might not like what we did, but Ryan's parents sure seem to enjoy it. Also I feel kind of bad that I focused in on that one tree instead of helping out with most of the other work, but the guys and Jo got to cut down a whole lot of things, which they seemed to enjoy doing, so I think it's okay.

We also cleared a small field of volunteer pines for a camping spot for the guests for the wedding. 

After the work we made a ridiculously large dinner using food Ryan's parents bought and food that we brought from Green Gulch (farm produce and bread from our stellar bakery), and just hung out for the rest of the night (and by "just hung out" I mean "drank wine in the massive hot tub"). I think it was really nice to socialize outside of Green Gulch for a bit.

On Sunday we drove back to Green Gulch early because Jo and Steven had to work. Later that day Juniper took me to see the new Star Trek movie as a birthday present, which was very nice of her. The movie wasn't great. It was way too prototypical action-movie for my taste, and not nearly enough of the poignant exploration on what it means to be a human, to be brave, or to be loving that characterizes the show for me. 

For my birthday my mom got me the new Harry Potter book-screenplay thing, The Cursed Child. I thought it was a fun read, but I definitely feel like you miss a lot of what is probably meant to be portrayed in the characters and in the story because you're not watching the play; you're not experiencing it as it was meant to be experienced. I don't want to say too much about it, because I feel like HP is one of those serious fandoms where the fans get upset at spoilers (I know because I am one of those said fans), and I know a lot of people are still waiting for access to the book.

Blooming fennel, chamomile in the background

These past couple weeks I've been thinking a lot about something that came up during my dokusan with the Central Abbess, Linda Ruth. I guess I haven't mentioned that yet, either...but last week I had a dokusan with our abbess Fu on Monday evening and then on Tuesday morning (my birthday) I had dokusan with Linda Ruth, back-to-back. I admire and respect both of them a great deal, and I really appreciate that I was able to see both of them and get to know them a little bit better and have them get to know me a little bit better as well. The highlight from my dokusan with Fu was that she gave me permission to not partake in the Full Moon Ceremonies anymore, for which I am very thankful. I don't really know exactly why I have such a negative reaction to them, it's probably largely the manifestation of a continuing belief in how much I dislike it, continuously building up as a wall in my mind, but for right now I am thankful for the opportunity to explore all of that outside of the ceremony. The thought of going through another one of those right now makes me quite anxious.

Back to my dokusan with Linda Ruth, I guess I also just want to say again how much I like Linda Ruth. Of all of the dokusans/practice discussions I've had so far, she was the most engaged with me as a person, I feel. She actually asked me a lot of questions, wanting to know more about me so that she could offer whatever gentle advice she could. The element from that dokusan that I've been thinking about these past few weeks is her advice to not engage with things unnecessarily (I don't exactly want to share the context for which this advice was given.) That advice made me think about the common idea within Zen to neither touch nor turn away--to not cling to anything and to not reject anything. That phrase---don't touch, and don't turn away--has been springing up in my mind quite often. I have been applying it literally to my life as well, because for me the literal application actually helps me accept and embody its larger, esoteric implications as well...so I found myself often feeling some mild anxiety about this certain area of my life, and then choosing to neither engage with it nor shove it away, choosing to not engage with certain people nor shove them away, choosing to neither engage with certain thoughts nor shove them away. It's an interesting practice for me, because it's surprising how often people, thoughts, circumstances, happenstances, and happenings arise in me either a deep desire or a deep aversion. Watching such things detaches myself from those strong emotions in many ways---but in many ways, it is still me experiencing them. I guess sometimes it helps, and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I get frustrated with the fact that knowing that I'm attached to someone or to something being a certain way doesn't manifest in the cessation of that attachment. It still exists, but I'm just aware of it...which can lead to analyzing whether or not I am then attached to the idea of non-attachment, and so the fact that I am attached leads to me suffering on some level. 

Someone brought up to me today that oftentimes guests at Green Gulch have the impression that the residents here are really withdrawn and unhappy, and give off the impression of being unengaged with the people around them. I could imagine that this is a pretty accurate and pretty consistent impression for outsiders to have, especially if they're inherently extroverts. I think that that impression stems from several places, but I think that one of the main ones is that we're all so busy thinking about our thinking, then thinking about how we're thinking about our thinking, that we are just distracted. Which is of course not the point at all, as we should principally be focusing on being with the people around us. But so many of us here are more naturally introverts as it is, and so engaging with strangers is not really our forte. Also, I mean, it's like having a consistent stream of visitors, of visitors who are strangers, flowing through your house every week. This is where I live and work, and this is my home; I just don't have the energy or initiative most of the time to engage with the strangers here, which is really too bad, because I can still remember my time as a guest student and how nice it was when the residents engaged with me.

Snapdragons!

I've also been thinking about the ideas presented in the poem featured at the top of this post a fair amount. Sonja read this poem a couple of weeks ago in our "Buddha is as Buddha does" class, and I really like it. It presents ideas to me that I suppose my thoughts have touched on in some sense, but the poem just dictates them so clearly...that there would be nothing to see if there was nobody to see it, nothing to hear if there was nobody to hear it...that so much of the world is only the result of our capability to cognize and recognize it. That "things" only exist because we are here existing and label them as such, to them they are no different, no distinct from any and everything, inherently and truly. Language is such a wonderful human construction to understand our world, to distinguish things and people and places, to give comprehension to our dimensionality, to our passing through the interconnected void of everything...but it does not entirely represent or encompass the actuality of the universe; it can't, because it's confined to our own conditioning and limited interactions with it all. I'm not doing the ideas represented in the poem any justice, so I'll just let you all read that for now, and let that be enough.

Morrell hunting for voles living under the lavender

   

The garden is lovely and blooming, quiet and busy with bumblebees, quails, and bunnies. I love working there and learning from that place, that space, the plants, the life, the earth. 

I interviewed the sublime Isabelle Ellingson this weekend. I really want to highlight the lovely people here, and Isabelle was the perfect person to start this out with. Her interview is the post before this one, and I think you should all definitely look at it, if you haven't already, and get more acquainted with this lovely lady. I also want to say she was very daring and decided to let me post the interview without her reading through it first, which I find entirely admirable.

Book of the Week:

So, obviously, the book of this week is Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, but as I mentioned before, I don't want to give anything away by talking about it at all, not even my impressions of it, so I'll just say it was fun, but definitely not a Harry Potter book. But yeah, also definitely not a waste of my time, which is saying something, because I only have scraps of free time (or so it feels...but I suppose I'm using my free time, really, to live at this Zen Center, so you know, that's something in and of itself.)

Songs of the Week:

I really want to talk about Shakey Graves, but mostly just because I have a big ole' crush on him. I mean I am seriously pretty in love with him. He is so charming and handsome and talented, how could I not? How could anybody not? I saw him live last year in Denver, and he is just a wonderful in person as I could have ever hoped he would be. Besides, his songs are thoughtful, deep, genuine, and to me, little pure prismatic sunbeams of genius that poke into my life every once in a while.

"Roll the Bones"--Shakey Graves 

(I recommend actually watching this video! Because, yes...he is simultaneously singing, playing the guitar, and playing the drums)

Yeah so it goes

Yeah so it goes

That sweet heirloom 

Them abbey stones

Oh take a chance and roll the bones

Cut off your hair

Unplug your phone

Yeah and sell your belongings

All your clever drawings try to make a dollar

From the grave

But whose to blame

Well so it goes

Yeah so it goes

Them city boys in country clothes

Oh take a chance and roll the bones

Go crash your car

Burn down your home

Yeah try to forget all your enemies and debts

Yeah try to forget all them enemies and debts 

They'll just chase you round and give you sour dreams

Yeah so it seems

Yeah so struggle all you like

Yeah put up the good fight

They say someday everybody dies alone

Yeah struggle all you like

Put up the good fight

They say someday everybody dies alone

But hey

I say who really knows

Yeah hey who really knows

Yeah hey who really knows

"Family and Genus"--Shakey Graves

If,

If I,

If I ever wander on by

Could,

Could you,

Flag me down and beg me to

Drop what I'm doing and sit beside you

So did,

Did they ditch us and leave us with nothing to say

Where,

Where we,

Where we will wait for friends and family

To pass away or come in handy

Oh,

Oh dear,

A rotten summer, a rotten hope, dear

Where, where we wait for to lose our friends and family

To fame and fire, to dame or dandy

To pass away or come in handy